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Should we put everyone else before our feelings?

I am often asked questions about what the Bible teaches on certain topics. From time to time I'll post them as a blog because I'm sure others have the same questions. I change the facts and names to protect the privacy of the individuals that email me.

Q: My boyfriend and I are in a relationship that our family members do not agree with. I can't see myself with anyone else and I have been waiting for someone to come into my life like him. I constantly ask myself if this is God blessing me, even if it's not ideal could it be God?

The reason my family doesn't support our relationship is because we are closely related. His family will not accept our relationship. I don't want to hurt my other family members, but I really believe he is the right person for me. Should we put everyone else before our feelings?

A: The first question I have for you is are you a Christian? Have you given your life to Jesus? Have you died to yourself and are you living for Him? Are you filled with the Holy Spirit and living by the Spirit, Galatians 5.

"Whoever does not take up their cross and follow me is not worthy of me." Matthew 10:38

The reason I start with these questions is because as humans with a sin nature, we have to address the real issue we face: our desire to let sin rule over us. Until we are set free by Jesus, this is our real issue. When that happens a war breaks out within our being, we have a flesh that we are learning to let die, and we have the Holy Spirit that we are learning to hear.

"Whoever has ears, let them hear what the Spirit says to the churches." Revelation 2:7, 2:11, 2:17, 2:29, 3:6, 3:13, 3:22.

When the Lord repeats Himself we better listen. He also says it this way: "Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption." Ephesians 4:30 and "Do not quench the Spirit." 1 Thessalonians 5:19. The battle is between what the Holy Spirit is telling us and what our flesh desires. If we truly belong to Jesus we choose moment by moment to die to the flesh and live by the Spirit.

There are two kingdoms in the world: God's Kingdom and Satan's kingdom. In God's Kingdom he warns us that what the flesh desires is contrary to the Spirit and leads to death (Galatians 5:17). It is because He loves us that He warns us against living by what we "feel" or "desire" or "want".

In Satan's kingdom, it's all about what we feel. It's all about what makes us "happy." The problem with Satan's kingdom is that it's all a lie. Sure you can feel good for a time, but in the end when he's done using people he leaves them destroyed and in eternal torment. The cost is not worth the temporary pleasure. The "religion" of the world, Satan's kingdom, is based on feelings.

I bring all this up because everything you mentioned was based on how you feel and not on what God is telling you. I have lived a life of rebellion towards God and here is what I learned:

  • Sin brings pleasure, but that pleasure is VERY shortly lived because the consequences are far greater than the temporary pleasure

  • Sin is death. It robs peace, it invites evil, it is never ever ever ever worth it

  • If I had stopped quenching the Holy Spirit and started listening to the Lord I would have been better off

  • I knew deep down I was wrong, but I was so deceived to believe that my sin was what I wanted, that I was looking for people to help justify my sin

  • The Lord was always there warning me, I just didn't want to listen

When the Lord is convicting us of something we have one of two choices: we can wake up and realize God loves us, as the Creator He sees and understands what we don't. He is VERY firm about sexual immorality (1 Corinthians 6:18, Revelation 17:2, 1 Timothy 1:10, Revelation 21:8, Colossians 3:5, Galatians 5:19, 1 Thessalonians 4:3, Ephesians 5:3, to name a few references) because he understands what it is really doing to us, He sees what we don't. We can repent and run to Him and get healing and live under His love and blessings.

OR we can silence Him, look to other people to help justify our decisions, to help give us some reassurance against the nagging of the Holy Spirit in our hearts. We can continue headlong in our sin, believing Satan's lies and then wake up one day destroyed because that's all the enemy does: steals, kills and destroys. None of this matters if you don't truly belong to Jesus. If you do belong to Jesus then you don't need me to tell you if what you are doing is ok or not, you just need to listen to the Holy Spirit and be obedient to Him. If we have anything in our lives that we would not give to God if He asked us for it, then it's an idol. Since God forbids idolatry we can be assured He is not ok with it. Let me say that again..... If we have ANYTHING in our lives that we would not give to God if He asked us for it, then it is an idol. What does the Bible say we should do with things that aren't from God?

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us..." Hebrews 12:1

The choice is yours. Will you die to yourself and live for Jesus, inheriting eternal life, being rooted in love, washed in His righteousness or will you be deceived by the temporary pleasures of sin and pay for it with your eternity?

I hope and pray you choose life.

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